ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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