is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
