so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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