So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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