You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
