When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize