i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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