Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
