i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
