Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i drank out of a bidet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
