Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
