Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
