I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
