Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
