We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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