Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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