Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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