I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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