I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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