And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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