I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
