Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
