everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
