Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
