No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
