He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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