you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
