so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
