he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
