man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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