so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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