is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize