The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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