idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
