Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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