hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
