You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
