You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
