There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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