His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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