Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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