if only i could text you this smell
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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