take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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