yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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