It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
