I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
