absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
