I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
