I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
