You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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