Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
