youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
