I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
