i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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