I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As shirtless as possible
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
