You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Never underestimate the power of titties
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
