So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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