Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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