I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We got so high we made milksteak
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
