So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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