I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
