Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
