The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
