I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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