Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
