Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
