oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
