You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
