Do you still have your period?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
