I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize